The Christmas Tree and 'Till the Season Comes 'Round Again

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One of my all time favorite Christmas Albums is an oldie.  Kenny Rogers “The Gift”  The songs that were on that CD resonated with me to an incredible extent.  It contained songs of faith, joy and change.  It was the first time I heard some new classics.  “Mary did you Know” and “Till the Season Comes ‘Round Again”.  That particular CD was filled with songs of grace that just took me to a closer walk with God.

I came to focus on 'Till the Season Comes 'Round Again because for several years I had been in what I call “Christmas mourning”.  My family had all passed.  I had a niece, who I still maintained a good relationship with, but at that time she was busy with her own life, which is the way it should be. Then I remember an incident from several years prior that reminds me about the beauty and blessing of Christmas.

Christmas had always been my fathers time.  When he died, when I was junior in high school (in March), my mother and last living brother decided they would not celebrate Christmas.  I was a 17 year old girl who knew the greatest gift my father gave me was the wonder and beauty of Christmas.  But, I was a child.  How could I reconcile the wishes of my mother?  One evening both my brother and mother were out.  I was filled.  Filled with the love of a father who had always made me feel loved and cherished.  I was filled with conviction suddenly, I now know was the Holy Spirit was moving in me.

I am a pretty small gal.  I have a form of dwarfism which makes me a little over 4 feet.  How was I going to get the Christmas tree (artificial) was sitting in pieces on top of a freezer in the cellar.  We had a split level home at the time and can you say stairs?  Well, with power I cannot comprehend, I got the tree down.  I wrestled this seven foot box up those stairs.  I then went about putting the tree together.  Getting the boxes of decorations was a lot easier task.  Now, I am not real great with the top of the tree decorating.  For obvious reasons I could climb a ladder, but with shorten limbs leaning into a 6 foot tree could topple me pretty easy.

After a half hour, the tree was assembled, except the task of putting on the top.  I had hung ornaments and strung lights to the first two pieces, bringing me to the top part which was about as tall as me.  What I did was decorate the top, while it was on the floor.  I uprighted it and including the star I decorated that top part just like a small tree.  Now, the hard part......  getting a fully decorated top picked up and placed on the now finished base.  Suddenly I felt like the Grinch when he get’s the blessing of feeling his heart grow three times its own size, along with the strength as well.  One big heave and a prayer said, the top placed almost as if one was guiding me (One was).

I tucked the extra lights (had to leave quite a few to facilitate the decorating I just did).  I threw tinsel to the top and decorated the rest.  I pushed the base back into the place in front of the bank of windows in the front.  I continued to place the candles in the windows.

I do have to say I was exhausted.  Since, I have never done such a physically difficult thing.  Can I tell you I was amazed at myself?  I think I was!

About an hour later both my mother and brother came home.  By now it was dark and the lights could be seen from the outside.  As my mother came up the stairs she just stared.  David was to come in very shortly after.  After a lot of questions on how I did this or that (and a bit of relief there was no hostility) I made this comment (and I can remember it to this day, over thirty days later)..... “Dad loved Christmas, the best way to honor him is to keep it”.  Neither said anything.  Smiles came to the faces gradually.  To this day, because I didn’t question them, I don’t know if they were okay with this because of me or because of dad.  Or, maybe it was because it was obvious something supernatural was there for me to be able to accomplish this.  It became a quiet understanding that we would never not celebrate Christmas.  Christmas was bigger than the sum of our depression, loss and maybe even anger.  My father knew it was special on so many levels maybe now we could too.

It is now a sweet memory.  Mom and David have long passed.  Even when David passed on a December day years later, I knew I would celebrate for different reasons....because the birth of a Babe.  I had come far in my spiritual walk.  Although sadden, I did celebrate.  Not that it was easy, but it was what it is:  A time to remember and appreciate.

So, here I come now to the song.... It was the lines 'Til the next time I see you again, If we must say goodbye Let the spirit go with you And we'll love and we'll laugh In the time that we had 'Til the season comes 'round again.

Appreciate your life, your family.  Each day does not guarantee a tomorrow.  But, if you have lost those whom you love, remember that you will love and laugh again....when the “season” (your reunion in Heaven) comes ‘round again.

This song has been recorded by many, Amy Grant has a lovely version, but Kenny Rogers version will always remain special in my heart.  Let it find a place in your heart too!

'Till the Season Comes 'Round Again

Come and gather around at the table
In the spirit of family and friends
And we'll all join hands and remember this moment
'Til the season comes 'round again

Let's all try to smile for the picture
And we'll hold it as long as we can
May it carry us through
Should we ever get lonely
'Til the season comes 'round again

CHORUS
One night holy and bright
Shining with love from our hearts
By a warm fire,
Let's lift our heads high
And be thankful we're here
'Til this time next year

May the new year be blessed
With good tidings
'Til the next time I see you again
If we must say goodbye
Let the spirit go with you
'Til the season comes 'round again

CHORUS

May the new year be blessed with good tidings
'Til the next time I see you again
If we must say goodbye
Let the spirit go with you
And we'll love and we'll laugh
In the time that we had
'Til the season comes 'round again

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Christmas Patapan and oh my aching back!

I am sitting here with my back brace on trying to get over the last three days when I didn’t stop!  I am listening to the song Patapan (aka Pat-a-pan) by Idol’s  David Archuleta who does a very nice job with the song.  Sometimes the song sounds intense, other time frantic, which is what my body feels like today.  My mind is so willing to do the many things I have hopes of doing for Christmas (baking cookies, painting , etc.) but there is something really big is holding me back MY BODY!

Oh, how I often wonder what it would be like to be free...free of pain, restriction and encumbered by the nature of my body.  Truth be told, I do know it is what makes me what and who I am.  I am often empathetic and emotional because of the burden I carry.  Like Paul of the bible I carry this thorn, but hope that it doesn’t define me, but rather improves me.

The halls have been decked for the most part.  The village needs to be put up, along with the creche.  The creche is something I humbled by when I put it up.  I make sure that the babe is tucked away until Christmas Eve...after all he hasn’t been born yet!  =-)  I hope by tomorrow I will feel better.  I will get done what I can get done and try not to obsess about what I have not gotten done.  Letting go isn’t easy to do, until I remember for all those hopes (of cookies , etc.) I can make the time into a prayer for well being for others who will never have the living conditions I do.  It is a matter of looking at life in perspective.  Christmas is a “season” for most, but for some, like myself, it is a way of life.

I am reminded of so many who find sadness and hurt during this time of year.  Lonely times, sad times, grief times and times of being lost in their own life.  It easier to imagine than you think.  Take your home.  The warmth, the food on the table, the heat, the roof...imagine it all gone and with no hopes of it returning in the very near future.  Think of being without a home that has happiness and joy.  Fear and hurt is all you’ve known, how do you learn to appreciate the joy of Christmas when it should be with you everyday?  How do you cope with the loss of ability to say these are my blessings?

So, even if I do complain sometimes, and do give in to resting I am always reminded that there are so many others with greater issues and pains.  My heart tenders toward them when I in pain.  Because I am physical pain, I am reminded of others who feel pain as well.  Particularly for those who do not have the hope and faith of God, His Son and the Holy Spirit.  How alone one would feel if this was the case. 
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PRAYERS

In our times there is so much need and sadness.  When there is hope there is faith, where there is faith there is hope. 

Prayer gives you the chance to practice the belief that God exist in this world and that we are not on some random path.  There is order to this world and although we may not enjoy being on the path we are currently on, we do not walk that path alone.

Prayer.  Wikipedia states Prayer is a form of religious practice that seeks to activate a volitional connection to a god or spirit through deliberate practice.  I have some issues with the definition.  Although, it can be noted as “deliberate” because there is an intent, prayer also becomes part of the fabric of who you are.  Sometimes I have simplified it by calling it a Holy Habit.  Very often I will just say is me having a dialog and kinship with God the Father.

It has long become a part of who I am.  I have people come up to me and say they don’t know how to pray.  I am sometimes sadden by that.  How far away do they feel Jesus is?  Is He not sitting beside me in my grief?  Walking me along a difficult path?  I could not go a day without that dialog than breathe.  Is that prayer?  You bet’cha.

Those fellows who know oh so much more than I have broken down prayers in “parts”.  I have decided to list some and have put a more “Ginny” slant to them.  To make them more like my own intention.

This may help someone who wonders where to begin, and how to continue to pray, or dialog with God and our Savior.

Prayers of Petition:  Asking.  Often I am asking for patience or even sometimes hope.  I am personally the one in need.  I need you God right now to help me.  Sustain me through these difficult times I am in.  We are acknowledging that God 1. Listens  2.  Hears.  You may have noted that I didn’t list “Answer” because I truly believe sometimes that is subjective.  What my answer may be may not be what I need.  I may get another answer, one I may not like as much, nonetheless the one I am intended too have and one that will take me to a place of learning and grace.  Asking God for something can be difficult.  I have heard more than once that “God knows what I need”, which is very true.  But, God desires a relationship with me.  There is also the underlying truth that if we first don’t acknowledge that God is in power, we may not also acknowledge that God is the giver.

Prayer of Confession:  In the Catholic church I was brought up to confess to a priest.  There is some biblical proof for this stance.  On the other hand there are other denominations that leave confession between you and God alone.  The latter is a whole lot easier, that is IF we do it.  Asking for forgiveness is often not in one’s favorite things, neither is it pleasant.  I believe it shouldn’t be either.  The goal is forgiveness.  I know one of the hardest things for me is to forgive myself.  It takes a deep abiding believe that God hears and listens to be assured that he has forgiven me.  To feel the cleansing of the prayer of confession may take many years, or even a lifetime.  Meanwhile, God has heard and forgiven, now if we would just forgive ourselves.  I remind myself that God knows my heart.  If I confess I must confess with a heart bearing all.  To be contrite and penitent.  I go not intending on making the same mistake again.  At least we try.  But, as I say God knows our heart but, he also knows our weaknesses.


Prayers of Adoration:  Oh how often do you say you love God to HIM?  Do you thank him for the clouds you saw today and acknowledge that they come from Him.  Even in the times more dire do we praise Jesus for his sacrifice.  A sacrifice that is so much more than we can repay?  How humble are you to God.  When you have a friend you thank, you thank them for what they do, say or how they have loved you.  Jesus Christ did this and so much more.  How about remembering?  In the good times and bad “Come let us adore him”


Prayers of Intercession:  A prayer on behalf of others.  In my church we have a prayer list that I call “prayer warriors”.  We pray for those who’s needs are brought forward.  We sometimes do not know what the need even is, only that there is one.  To pray for the ones you do not know is almost more important.  The bible says that it is easy to love the lovable,but prayer is even more important to those we don’t know or even those we find unlovable. Prayers of intercession can change our hardened heart as well.  Take it from one who knows.  Prayers of intercession are powerful and can gather those in a powerful voice.  Those who cannot pray for themselves depend upon people like you and I.  I fully believe prayers by others for others surrounds the one prayed for in a bubble of love.  Feeling the love through prayer is like no other feeling.  The closest I can describe it is like being held in God’s hands like a child.  You feel protected, loved and assured.  Even if things are dire, you are loved all the way to the end of what ever is going to happen.

There are other “prayers” but these are a few.  Pray for the Glory of Him, Pray for Others, Pray for yourself.   Be humble before God, be thankful before God.  Love one another and pray for each other.


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"Strange Way To Save The World"

It came upon me how God uses the unlikely. 

Through the years I have been blessed to find my calling in life through various works, with the calling of the Holy Spirit.  But, how does one find that out about themselves.  How do they individually fulfill God’s plan?

In a time of oppression and suffering His people called upon Him to send not just a messenger nor prophet, they called and ached for a Messiah, a Christ.  Even with their tears and prayers they could not have imagined how God would bless the world with His only Son.  His people looked to an Earthly king, a man of war, a great warrior.  Instead they got a man of peace and prayer.  They, a prayerful people, didn’t get what they expected. 

Mean time they went along.  I can’t imagine how they felt, longing for a savior who was promised but had not come.  Did they feel lost?  Deserted?  Defeated?  I suppose like people today, they may have.  But hope abided.  They knew they had an awesome God, But I would guess they didn’t know that they had a God who’s plan included a baby.

This song tells of Joseph looking inward and wondering.....  He had encounters with angels and took a wife that others may have let be stoned.  He was a man  of compassion and understanding.  He was a forgiving man.  He initially had no knowledge of Mary and her story.  Yet he looked to her with a compassion, truly God given.  How confused he must of felt.  Unworthy, certainly; confused definitely.

As he went along his life it became clear his life was so much more than he ever knew.  I have often told people that they are often unaware of their gifts given in God’s love or the fact that has a mission and a plan for their lives.  So many people think they are just “living”. To some extent that is true, we all feel that.  But we are of great sacred worth and value to God, as much as Joseph and Mary.  They were ordinary people, living a life of spiritual hope and Godly love.  Yet God has chosen you as much as he has chosen them.

Where you do not physically have His Son, you walk for His Son.  You are the manifestation of The One who loves you more than you love yourself.

Yes, indeed God did choose a “Strange Way to Save the World”.  He chose the most humanly understandable way there was.  A child is born helpless and requires love and tenderness to grow.  A child needs to be nurtured and guided.  Jesus had His Father in Heaven and his earthly parents.  God gives us children in confirmation of a lingering hope for mankind.  God trust us to show them the way as he showed His own Son.

How ordinary.  A birth of a child. 

I know of a gal who is pregnant with her fifth child.  She is a Godly woman who raises Godly children.  I can see in the eyes of her children the promise of so much.  That they will one day rule this nation, and care for those like me.  This isn’t easy always, but it certainly is Godly.

What will your children grow to be?  What will your grandchildren, nieces and nephews be?  Ordinary maybe, but in many ways so was Jesus.  He was fully man, like our children.  He carried the same emotions and trials that children often do.  It may be hard to put Jesus in that picture.  But, think of it.  A mom, dad and child doing the best they can.  Living each day in worship with God, surprised by their callings, open to His leadings.

Yes, it was strange.  For a people who wanted a warrior king, they got a Prince of Peace.  His power continues to unfold each and every day.  Not by the sword, but by the love.  How were they to know that a babe born in Bethlehem could save the world from itself?

I sing praises of glory that He did.


This song is sung by 4Him and is on the WOW Christmas CD


"Strange Way To Save The World"

Sure he must have been surprised
At where this road had taken him
'Cause never in a million lives
Would he had dreamed of Bethlehem
And standing at the manger
He saw with his own eyes
The message from the angel come to life
And Joseph said...

Why me, I'm just a simple man of trade
Why Him, with all the rulers in the world
Why here inside a stable filled with hay
Why her, she's just an ordinary girl
Now I'm not one to second guess what angels have to say
But this is such a strange way to save the world

To think of how it could have been
If Jesus had come as He deserved
There would have been no Bethlehem
No lowly shepherds at His birth
But Joseph knew the reason
The love had to reach so far
And as he held the Savior in his arms
He must have thought.

Why me, I'm just a simple man of trade
Why Him, with all the rulers in the world
Why here inside a stable filled with hay
Why her, she's just an ordinary girl
Now I'm not one to second guess what angels have to say
But this is such a strange way to save the world


..
A Strange Way to Save the World
4Him
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Come to the Table

Well, it is finished.  I have just completed (along with a great committee) the cookbook for our church.  It is 750 recipes and was a venture of love!

We went into this last January and with hopes of having 400 recipes, but our church rallied and we have a wonderful cookbook to show for it.  Now, let's hope it get's here in time for our church fair.

One of the many things that came out of this was the title, "Come to the Table".  Well, that phrase is often used by my pastor and has come to mean so many things to our congregation.

Come to the Table...to eat, to feed, to refresh, to fellowship, to nourish, to experience, to share, to pray.

It has become a phrase of inclusion on every level.  The basic most primal thing a human being needs to do is eat.  But, to nourish is truly not "living by bread alone".

So many times church communities turn toward each other, and no other.  It happens so frequently you may not notice.  And that is sad...not noticing.  The person who sits next to you may be in pain and anguish and you may not notice.  You have not "invited" them to share of your food, your company or your journey with Jesus?

This weekend marks the beginning of the new Church School year.  With it comes an open invitation to "Come to the Table".  Experience what it is like to be part of a community of people who will come to care for you.

Or, even better ask someone to Come to the Table at your place.  Share your life with them, open your heart to them. 

We remember that Christ ate with the sinner and the saint.  He came to save and we can assist. 

Something wonderful happens when you break bread with someone.  Because it is very primal, it becomes something of remembered memory.

In our church cookbook there is a scripture page in the beginning.  I find that these verses are a good way to remember what it means to "feed" and bring the table to another.

Matthew 25:31-40

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.

 Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'


So, there.  Come to the Table, even better if you have partaken of the table, bring another.  It is only when we do this that we can truly know the character and love of Jesus. 

Teaspoons in the Morning

I am making my morning coffee, thanking each blessed day for my Keurig one cup coffee machine. Beside my machine is a cup that has several old silver teaspoons, in various designs. Some spoons are a little chunky, some graceful, some just wonderfully elegant. I’ve gotten the spoons over on Ebay and in antique shops. I give them a place of honor in a clear glass Irish coffee mug and use them when I make my coffee each morning.

Can I say now that Hubby doesn’t understand? “We have plenty of teaspoons in this house! Remember all the ”extra“ ones you got to go with the set?” Well, that is true. Mom always said she would loose more spoons than anything else in silverware and so drilled it inside my head that even if you had a complete set of utensils for eight, you needed at least eight more teaspoons. Mom and dad drank a lot of coffee. I would bet that many of those spoons ended up in my dads tool box. Had she only looked... I digress.

I lead many woman’s Bible Study and I often tell them that they are special. They are of not just worth, but sacred worth. It is hard to feel that sometimes when you have one child screaming in the background as you are trying to put dinner together after a grueling day at work. It is hard to feel worthy sometimes, never mind sacred. It is times like this that I encourage them to find something that makes them feel unique. It takes time sometimes to find that. Maybe it is 10 minutes alone on an exercise bike, or a stroll in the garden outside your own house. For me, one of those reminders are my antique silver spoons.

From another era, they have history. I sit sometimes and wonder who’s history I am sharing as I stir my coffee. But, most times I remember these are God moments. Moments he is telling me I am worthy of a special time and moment, each and every day, each and every hour.

So my husband does moan a bit when he see’s a box from ebay come into the house (I’ve gotten use to that, I love old cookbooks too!), or that I spend 15 minutes to see if there is a spoon “speaking” to me at an antique shop. These are moments that I become open to something wonderful...a treasure even. In an antique silver teaspoon I see God working in me. Although I sometimes think my husband pretends to bemoan it all, he does under stand on some level that I am worth it.

Searching for those God moments can be difficult because we can often look for the grandiose, when where we should be looking is in the mundane. The moments that encompass our every day lives. That, is where we find grace easily, we only just look.

As for my husband; he still groans, when I say that the spoons need to be hand washed gently and returned to their spot for me to grab with my next cup of coffee. But, even he must admit that in those moments he does it for me, he does it for God.

A Smile Returns

A definition of Smile from BrainyQuote:

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To express amusement, pleasure, moderate joy, or love and kindness, by the features of the face; to laugh silently.

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To express slight contempt by a look implying sarcasm or pity; to sneer.

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To look gay and joyous; to have an appearance suited to excite joy; as, smiling spring; smiling plenty.

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To be propitious or favorable; to favor; to countenance; -- often with on; as, to smile on one's labors.

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To express by a smile; as, to smile consent; to smile a welcome to visitors.

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To affect in a certain way with a smile.

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The act of smiling; a peculiar change or brightening of the face, which expresses pleasure, moderate joy, mirth, approbation, or kindness; -- opposed to frown.

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A somewhat similar expression of countenance, indicative of satisfaction combined with malevolent feelings, as contempt, scorn, etc; as, a scornful smile.

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Favor; countenance; propitiousness; as, the smiles of Providence.

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Gay or joyous appearance; as, the smiles of spring.

I have been always one that claims too have "Joy". With this, you will usually see me smiling at someone. I do have periods (oh, ask hubby about this) where a smile is the last thing I will produce but it is during those times I struggle and I ask myself "where is my joy"??

Recently, there was a gal in our church who had an elderly mom who had passed away. Now her mom was doing well for quite some time and was able to make many friends in our church before she was called home. What we saw of Clara Sr. (name has been changed) I know was quite different than the Clara her daughter saw. Clara junior (Clara Sr. daughter) loved her mom and did right by her. But, you could tell there had been a difficult history. Clara Sr. had been a handful of emotion for Clara Jr.

I can relate. My mother and I didn't become friends until I was out of the house, a married woman. That was when I became not just her daughter, but a grown adult...a married woman. She gained a different respect for me and I for her. Truth is we were probably so much a like that we could not help but get on each others nerves. I can remember one particular time, right before I got married that she was so mad at me that she picked out a gown for my wedding without me there. As it turns out the gown was stunning on her. Point being, we didn't get along well from the time I was a teenager until the time I got married. Of course during that period I was becoming a woman, if you know what I mean and she was going through an early menopause. My dad was a saint. With all those hormones going around it is a wonder we ever made it through. But we did. I digress......

During the time of Clara Sr. illness Clara Jr. had tried very hard to do well by her mom. But, I could tell there was also a history there which made things difficult at time.

First Clara Sr. started having "episodes" of light headiness and would end up in the hospital for test. Then there came a time where she was finally able to go from her daughters home into elderly housing. It was a great place, right in the same time and there were many activities for her participate with. Then she took a turn. Being in her 90's by then, it is almost a matter of time before one can expect a "turn".

For six months she was in the hospital, rehab, back in the hospital. Having difficulty controlling her medical treatment. I can honestly say I think she was just plain tired.

What I didn't quite notice is that so wasn't Clara Jr.

Last week as I finally got to spend a few moments with her, after her mom's death I noticed something. I noticed her smile. Clara has a great smile and for the past few months that had been strained. But now she almost looked refreshed and ready to live again.

It is like that with a aging and ill parent. Your own life seems to fade away to make way to get all the living, moments and discussions you can get in before it would be too late. A guilt from the past, a happiness from the present relationship and a reconciliation of souls is a powerful thing.

I mentioned that I hadn't seen that smile for a long time. Genuine and relaxed Clara could be assured of her mothers home, safe and sound with Jesus. No more pain, fighting or complicated treatments and relationships. Along the journey where Clara Jr. became the parent, she also became the daughter she always wanted to be.

Nothing left unsaid or undone. Just a peace that comes from the grace of forgiveness and reconciliation. In her smile Clara Jr. glowed, and it showed.

For those who hold resentment for parents and unresolved issues there is a hope that these can be worked out. When the roles reverse a new light comes into the eyes of both Mother and Daughter.

If we are lucky they are not fighting of what was, but grateful for the time they had left in which to share it.

So, tonight as you smile at the one you love, think.... is this a smile of love, free of guilt and resentment or a smile that reflects the grace that only God can give you; A gift, that will be remembered for a lifetime. A treasured memory that comes from knowing that in those final months, days and hours that God held both of your hands and He has mended your hearts. Making you both spiritually whole to prepare for the time when one would pass to home and the now sweet memories of new found friendship are to be treasured.

Smile a little smile and tell each other there is love that will carry them through all the times to come. The goodbyes, the heartache, the farewell and yes, the homecoming.

God's Been Doubly Good To You

God's Been Doubly Good To You

I know it has been ages since I have written last. I have been busy with graduations, birthdays, weddings, showers.... spring and early summer is a busy time of year! I have been going through these events and wondering how God’s has been in them. Among one of those has also been a breakup of a marriage of someone very close to my husband and I. I was caught quite off guard about this, although my dear husband was not. Seeing the glass always half full sometimes leaves me blind to struggling unspoken. Being the type of person I am, I just sort of wear my heart, life, soul and faith on my sleeve. I tend to think others do the same, they do not.

This couple involves two people who we love dearly. There comes a point where you need to decide how you, personally, are going to take the news. You cannot be responsible how others do, but as for yourself you make conscious decisions that will affect the future relationships you have left, once all has fallen down and two lives begin to be rebuild. Thankfully these individuals decided to take the high road and their intent is to be respectful and fair, especially for their child. Children in the mix can be so stressful.

Children tend to take failure of marriage upon themselves. They don’t know how, really...but often reach for any infraction they have made over the past year and put failure upon themselves. It is a terrible time, in that moment when they hear “we are going to separate, and then divorce”. Kids fill in blanks if they are not told and reassured.

So, back to my loved couple. I have been through divorce in my family, but it has been infrequent. I know when Chris and I were in meetings with the priest (we got married in the Catholic church I grew up in, but found a Methodist church to fellowship together) there were certain things that, as married people, we were expected to do. For each other, for God. The intentions are true and real. But, as a couple of 22 year olds, I can honestly say we have changed into completely (Thank GOD!) people over the past 30 years. What we started out as innocents and grew to learning to compromise, learning to love in all situations. Our marriage is of constant communication and growth and respect.

But, there are times when those changes are so dramatic, sometimes so tragic that they leave only a whisper of the person we fell in love with. If indeed the love that was found was a forever kind. I know being brought up Catholic I am by church laws to stay forever faithful to a marriage. Reality is that we are human and we make human mistakes. It is when you are connected with a true soulmate then you know that it forever and eternity. A love that surpasses human constraints that follows you into the heaven of God. Blessed by God with God firmly between you. The diagram I use is Chris holding God’s hand, God holding my hand. Firmly planted between us, connecting us. But, that is me, that is us.

These two individuals I have found have another road. The road brought them together to have a good marriage for a time. During those times there was a dear child and I can honestly say that she (his wife) did save him from a life of uncertain outcome. She gave him not just a child. She gave him love, a purpose and a friend. She stood beside him while he struggled with many physical issues and became a saving grace for those of us in the family who knew he needed someone.

Now comes the end. Am I upset? Well, sort of. Am I mad. No. What I am trying to do is look at the whole situation through the eyes of love. I love both of them. I love their child. They are both welcome in my home and even if they should find another, then they both are STILL welcomed in my home.

So, how can I do this where others cannot (Chris, by the way thinks much in the same way that I do).

One, they fell out of love and have been together for almost a decade after this happened.
Two, they tried. You cannot say that this is fast when it has existed for eight years.
Three, dividing loyalties and yes, love, does no one any good, especially their child.
Four, I am not the judge of all.
Five, letting go may enable them to find some happiness for the rest of their lives.
Six, people deserved to be loved, respected and cherished. When that stops happening you must try to resolve the issues. If not resolvable do you convict someone to a relationship like a prison?
Seven, when you begin to resent then you must resolve.
Eight, not all ended marriages were “mistakes” (who would dare say a child from a marriage is a mistake!) Timing is everything....they were just not in what I would view in “God’s time“.
Finally, We are not called to do anything but love.

So there I go with that half full glass again. I pray that both these individuals find a forever love. I pray that God has a part in their love. I pray that someday that when this is all passed, that their child would have respect and love for both parents.

In listening to this song I realized that this is what we all want and desire. In fact it is God’s desire for us to be happy! So, I leave you with the lyrics and the music and in wonder..... what does God have in store next?

Doubly Good To You
(Rich Mullins)

If you see the moon
Rising gently on your fields
If the wind blows softly on your face
If the sunset lingers
While the cathedral bells peal
And the moon has risen to her place

You can thank the Father
For the things he has done
Thank Him for the things He's yet to do
And if you find a love that's tender
If you find someone who's true
Thank the Lord
He's been doubly good to you

If you look in the mirror
At the end of a hard day
And you know in your heart you have not lied
If you gave love freely
If you earned an honest wage
And if you've got Jesus by your side

You can thank the father
For the things He has done
And thank him for the things He's yet to do
And if you find a love that's tender
If you find someone who's true
Thank the Lord
He's been doubly good to you

You can thank the father
For the things He has done
And thank him for the things He's yet to do
And if you find a love that's tender
If you find someone who's true
Thank the Lord
He's been doubly good to you

You can thank the father
For the things He has done
And thank him for the things He's yet to do
And if you find a love that's tender
If you find someone who's true
Thank the Lord
He's been doubly good to you
Thank the Lord
He's been doubly good to you

You Can't Always Get What You Want

As I get up for the third time (it is 3am) the Rolling Stones Song You “Can’t Always Get what You Want” is rolling through my head (forgive the pun)

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want

It has been a rough night. I knew by 10 that I wouldn’t have an easy time of it. So, after icing my back, using a heating pad on both my shoulders and knee I gave up and went to the computer to write.

What I would like is a body that isn’t in pain. A body which will let me have one day of blissful, painless times. A body which will let me sleep!

After having my knee surgery I had high hopes that the problems with my back and leg would be through. I have found a long hard journey, which I am still on. It is doubtful at this point that the back issue will get better (which doesn’t surprise me) and my shoulders have taken a beating because of the walker and cane.

I just want to go to bed at 11, knowing I will sleep through the night. But, those nights are far and few between. So I started to sing the song in my head..... No, you can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want.........I know what I want. But, what do I need?

Certainly sleep is important, but I am fortunate where I can sort of make up sleep the next day. I am able to slow myself down a bit enough to recharge. It is hard though when you feel like your body is sucking you dry of drive and energy. You have intentions, great intentions for the day. Paint, clean the room, wash some clothes, polish, sew ...they all go by the wayside after a night like tonight.

I’ve always have been the type of person who looks deeper into my own issues. If I am depressed, I can usually figure out why. When I have been handed a blow, I can usually find the mustard seed needed to hope. Maybe that is what the rest of the song means

You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need

I may never be a healthy person, but I will have empathy. If I cannot function physically I can function mentally. I pray a lot during these times. Not for myself, but for others and their situations. I struggle to find patience in my troubles and rarely give up. I have hope tomorrow WILL be better. Even if it isn’t, there is always another tomorrow.

I travel my valleys of despair, be they nightly or in a troubled situation knowing I don’t walk alone. I often remember the poem about “Jesus carrying you” when there is one set of foot prints in the sand. Jesus carries me a lot. Sometimes, I admit, that I would love to feel the hands in a mortal sense.

No, tonight will turn into morning before my eyes will close in sleep. Though frustrating in the moment I still can find to give of myself, if even in the most basic ways. Tonight I look at this situation and say how do I not work “through” the valley, but find some sense of meaning while I am “in” it.

So, I wouldn’t be who I am without sleep? That is the truth (and yes there is a smile on my face) Sometimes we just need to bear what needs to be bared. Walking step by step not really knowing the outcome.

There have been times I have cried in pain or in frustration. I feel guilt for not having a normal body, which meets with the expectations of what I deem normal! I am tired of being unique and different. It brings me pain, frustration and loss.

On the other hand it has made me strong of mind and soft in heart. I know what it is like to suffer alone in the dark. It is lonely. It is heartbreaking at times. When you feel like you want to reach for the stars and all you get is the dirt under your nails form the deep pit you are in.

I recently was talking to a gal who shared with me that she is coming out of a valley of divorce. I was shocked that she had carried this pain for so long. She shared with me about all the books she read about getting to the mountaintops. Not one said how to appreciate the journey in the valley.

By nature who wants to? We don’t always feel like we will come out better people. In fact we are so often paralyzed by figuring out where to go from minute to minute that you can even forget to breath. Can we face tomorrow when facing today seems so overwhelming?

What skills, what points do you present to someone in the valley of despair, pain (physical or mental) or loss? It is easy to revert to those time honored platitudes. Useless as they are. More often a word of comfort, affection and support will suffice and let that someone hold on for at least the moment.

My body sits here wanting to nod off. On the other hand I am finding that moment of “You get what you need”. What I need to do is take a good look at myself in the valley and not in “I am better than you are” way. The steps and techniques that lets me figure who I am in the moment. Maybe this could help someone like my friend. This brave woman who humbles me by her honesty and hope. Someone who wears battle scars and yet has not been driven into resentment. How can I and other support people who need us to carry them in the sand?

Maybe another sleepless night gives me more than I bargain for after all.

What to Remember?

This weekend the United States celebrates Memorial Day. It got me to thinking. I know it about remembering our dead who died in war, but I began to wonder which dead? Looking on the Wikipedia site I find that there really was an evolution to it all.

Formally known as Decoration Day it commemorated the men and women who died while in military service. It was first enacted to honor UNION soldiers of the American Civil War. It was celebrated near the day of reunification, and expanded after World War I.

Following the Civil War communities (mostly in the south) set aside a day to mark the end of the war. The combined celebrations coalesced around Decoration Day, honoring the Union dead and then several including several Confederate memorial Days.

The first observance was on May 5, 1866. In 1868 it would be observed nationwide. Some of the Southern states refused to celebrate Decoration Day. An alternative name of Memorial Day was first established in 1882. It did not become more common until after WWII and actually not officially named by the Federal law until 1967. YES...1967 On June 28, 1968 the United States Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill which moved three holidays to their original dates to specified Mondays, in order to create a "convenient" three day weekend. After some initial confusion and unwillingness to comply all 50 states adopted the measure within a few years.

The national moment of remembrance takes place at 3 p.m. local time. The flag is flown half-staff from dawn until noon, local time. Flags are often placed on grave sites.

So there you have the history, so now here is an emotional perspective. War, good or bad happens. We owe so much to so many. To remember we are observing all military all the way back to our own horrid history of war within is profound. Men and woman are called. They are there representing those who could not represent themselves. Regardless of our personal issues on the word and acts of "WAR", here in our own country the foundation of freedom came from these acts. What would be as a country had not someone taken a stand for freedom? But yet, healing happened as well.

In today's time the idea of making "long weekends" somewhat diminished the meaning. Certainly we love to celebrate but do you know what you celebrate on memorial day? It's not the parades, cookouts, concerts and outings. It is LOSS. It is APPRECIATION. It is RECONCILIATION TO WHAT THE WORLD SHOULD BE AND ISN'T.

I am not talking about all the stuff going on now, in fact government does not call these events "War" they are called many things but not wars. There is a reason for that. Be your political bent or personal opinion I find no good reason that Memorial Day should not be sacred, holy in fact. It was the ultimate sacrifice that one can never repay, but one can be thankful.

So, as you pick up that dog and a beer remember that the slaves were set free, the Jewish people were released from the horrors of camps and unjust human cruelty has been thwarted all because brave men and woman had a call to save them, and you.

Let the birthdays stop!

Ok, I am now almost in my mid 50's. I don't feel that old, I don't act that old, my face isn't that old. BUT, the body sure is!

As I celebrate my birthday this week I have decided that the birthdays have to stop. I have always been one that has never been caught up in age. In fact I rarely can remember how old I am. I am always saying I am a year older, or younger. Not that I am trying to hide (or ahem... improve) my age it is just I don't really care.

I can remember waiting on the horrors of turning 40 and then 50.... well, it just didn't happen. I have not had any midlife crisis, no depression, no brooding about what hasn't been done in my life. Truth is I am happy right where I am. I have always used the "practice of contentment" (I am sure I will write on this at another time in my other blog called A Time and Season) so I can honestly say in the past 20 years, life has been pretty darn good.

Now, that is not to say there has not been pain, sorrow and a ton of other heart breaking times. But, when looking at the whole picture I can really say I am blessed and mean it.

So, when I woke up this morning I decided trying to remember my age was just a waste of my time and I always had to ask my husband Chris! He, does seem to care so he is in the know. We are seven months apart, but born in the same year.

At Christmas I declared to the family that they no longer had to buy birthday gifts. Although, because the family only celebrates the birthdays twice a year my birthday was very often a month later it's actual date. It just seems a little weird celebrating so far off. It is also a time when there is nothing that I want of value is something that one can buy. I want peace, joy, happiness.... Well, let me say plan to make a memory with me....now that I can get into. Making memories with family is special.

I would love just to get together for the SAKE of getting together. No purpose (as a birthday). That would be even more special!

So next year if you ask me how old I am, I still will not remember and I will say I have stopped the birthdays. Not for the reason you might think, but because being special is an every day event for me. I am loved. Now that is something to celebrate about.

This week our Adult Sunday school started to read Case for the Creator. So far it seems interesting. It is taking a non believer who is a journalist named Lee Strobel who set out to prove there is no God, only to come to the end of that journey and become a believer. It takes a look at science and how it CAN be compatible to Christian beliefs.

In a world and generation that expects instant gratification and proof positive the idea of faith can be elusive. I find most often that the journey of faith last a life time and if we are lucky somewhere along the way we allow the Holy Spirit to take us in and find not just comfort but hope.

The Triumphs of Faith

1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. 2 For by it the men of old gained approval. 3 By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible. (New American Standard)

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that Hebrews 11:1 is one of my favorite bible verses. Although different bible formats say it a bit differently it is all about the hope. Hope based on faith and faith alone.

When studying a book like Strobel's I find confidence in my faith journey, walk if you will. It is like I see all through the words of this verse from Hebrews. I believe that through faith in God we have hope... and hope can be unmeasurable.

He holds me and keeps me. I know that because I belong to Him that I can hope for tomorrow, even if that tomorrow should be in His Heaven. With God I am able to say I have sacred worth and value beyond human measure. This in itself means I am a treasure to God. Unique, like no other but loved like many. For all my tomorrows which may be loaded with pain and sorry I can still see a light on the other side.

One question that came up during the study is how do you impart this hope, this faith. I maintain that I cannot. I fully expect that any transformation in a persons soul comes through the Holy Spirit. I may be a vehicle in which the Holy Spirit may find an opening but the credit goes to Him.

The first thing I do when this comes up is pray. I pray that the Holy Spirit descends upon them. I pray that my words may find some one curious and fill them with a sense of wonder. Who is that chicky-poo over there that smiles and laughs even through tragedy. Who is that woman who listens with her heart and mind and comforts one even in the most difficult of times. Who is that daughter of Abraham who never takes the world serious enough that it leaves no room for a Heaven.

Yes, I live in the shadow of hope and pray daily for faith. Can we give or even explain our faith to a non believer. On my own I would say no. No words could be that powerful to touch the soul. This takes a Divine intervention. I have to convey that to whom ever shall ask. They would have to know that if there comes a time that they have found God it was because of His intervention and not me. I am nothing special in the eyes of another person, but through the eyes of God, we are all special.

There have been times I have prayed for non believers. To let God engulf them, hold them. Sometimes it has happened in a time that I can witness, but, more often it will happen when I don't know of it. Maybe that is the way it is suppose to be, least we get ahead of ourselves and forget to give credit where credit is due.

These are just a few opening thoughts about this study. I am sure I will have more. Meantime I am praying that all those who are questioning, seeking, wanting so badly to have faith and hope...I pray that the Holy Spirit shall visit you and a meaningful and moving way.

The End of the Matter

I was listening to Carrie Marshall's new CD Redemption and the song The End of the Matter touched me.
http://www.carriemarshall.net/fr_about.cfm

There are times when I look to the day to day things in life and I wonder where it all leads to? We struggle to balance our life, sometimes struggling to keep our head above the waters of life. Last week would have been a perfect example. A death, a funeral, commitments galore at the church, a retreat. I was so tired, the well was spiritually getting low.

Well, today I can say.... Welcome to Life! I brush out the clutter of my mind and think.... This is my life. The depth of who I am is not in the narrative of one day, or even one week. It is the sum total of all my days, all my weeks, all my hours. All those simple moments that reflect the love of God in my life. My heart tenders.

Running to Him who loves me, I long for the hands that hold my spirit. I find the refreshment of love in looking out my window onto the garden as everything is coming up; as it does each spring. The leaves of the cherry tree makes shadows, letting the light filter in allowing the cat to find a warm spot on the rug. These moments of refreshment sustain me.

In the end, as Carrie sings "There's just one thing that really matters...Do I love you" The sum of the matter is all that I am is His. I am His and He is mine. Yes, I do love you, with all I am and all I will be..

A Day of New Beginnings!

Well today starts a new journey for me. I have kept a journal for quite a while which is often inspired by music and scripture. I don’t know why I seem to “kick off” from those movers, but I do. Very often something will happen in my life which is shortly followed by something (like a song or scripture) that prompts me to write.

I am not a professional writer, but I do write one heck of a greeting card!

Please be patient as I make my way around this new adventure and stay tune.