I am making my morning coffee, thanking each blessed day for my Keurig one cup coffee machine. Beside my machine is a cup that has several old silver teaspoons, in various designs. Some spoons are a little chunky, some graceful, some just wonderfully elegant. I’ve gotten the spoons over on Ebay and in antique shops. I give them a place of honor in a clear glass Irish coffee mug and use them when I make my coffee each morning.
Can I say now that Hubby doesn’t understand? “We have plenty of teaspoons in this house! Remember all the ”extra“ ones you got to go with the set?” Well, that is true. Mom always said she would loose more spoons than anything else in silverware and so drilled it inside my head that even if you had a complete set of utensils for eight, you needed at least eight more teaspoons. Mom and dad drank a lot of coffee. I would bet that many of those spoons ended up in my dads tool box. Had she only looked... I digress.
I lead many woman’s Bible Study and I often tell them that they are special. They are of not just worth, but sacred worth. It is hard to feel that sometimes when you have one child screaming in the background as you are trying to put dinner together after a grueling day at work. It is hard to feel worthy sometimes, never mind sacred. It is times like this that I encourage them to find something that makes them feel unique. It takes time sometimes to find that. Maybe it is 10 minutes alone on an exercise bike, or a stroll in the garden outside your own house. For me, one of those reminders are my antique silver spoons.
From another era, they have history. I sit sometimes and wonder who’s history I am sharing as I stir my coffee. But, most times I remember these are God moments. Moments he is telling me I am worthy of a special time and moment, each and every day, each and every hour.
So my husband does moan a bit when he see’s a box from ebay come into the house (I’ve gotten use to that, I love old cookbooks too!), or that I spend 15 minutes to see if there is a spoon “speaking” to me at an antique shop. These are moments that I become open to something wonderful...a treasure even. In an antique silver teaspoon I see God working in me. Although I sometimes think my husband pretends to bemoan it all, he does under stand on some level that I am worth it.
Searching for those God moments can be difficult because we can often look for the grandiose, when where we should be looking is in the mundane. The moments that encompass our every day lives. That, is where we find grace easily, we only just look.
As for my husband; he still groans, when I say that the spoons need to be hand washed gently and returned to their spot for me to grab with my next cup of coffee. But, even he must admit that in those moments he does it for me, he does it for God.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
A Smile Returns
A definition of Smile from BrainyQuote:
To express amusement, pleasure, moderate joy, or love and kindness, by the features of the face; to laugh silently.
To express slight contempt by a look implying sarcasm or pity; to sneer.
To look gay and joyous; to have an appearance suited to excite joy; as, smiling spring; smiling plenty.
To be propitious or favorable; to favor; to countenance; -- often with on; as, to smile on one's labors.
To express by a smile; as, to smile consent; to smile a welcome to visitors.
To affect in a certain way with a smile.
The act of smiling; a peculiar change or brightening of the face, which expresses pleasure, moderate joy, mirth, approbation, or kindness; -- opposed to frown.
A somewhat similar expression of countenance, indicative of satisfaction combined with malevolent feelings, as contempt, scorn, etc; as, a scornful smile.
Favor; countenance; propitiousness; as, the smiles of Providence.
Gay or joyous appearance; as, the smiles of spring.
I have been always one that claims too have "Joy". With this, you will usually see me smiling at someone. I do have periods (oh, ask hubby about this) where a smile is the last thing I will produce but it is during those times I struggle and I ask myself "where is my joy"??
Recently, there was a gal in our church who had an elderly mom who had passed away. Now her mom was doing well for quite some time and was able to make many friends in our church before she was called home. What we saw of Clara Sr. (name has been changed) I know was quite different than the Clara her daughter saw. Clara junior (Clara Sr. daughter) loved her mom and did right by her. But, you could tell there had been a difficult history. Clara Sr. had been a handful of emotion for Clara Jr.
I can relate. My mother and I didn't become friends until I was out of the house, a married woman. That was when I became not just her daughter, but a grown adult...a married woman. She gained a different respect for me and I for her. Truth is we were probably so much a like that we could not help but get on each others nerves. I can remember one particular time, right before I got married that she was so mad at me that she picked out a gown for my wedding without me there. As it turns out the gown was stunning on her. Point being, we didn't get along well from the time I was a teenager until the time I got married. Of course during that period I was becoming a woman, if you know what I mean and she was going through an early menopause. My dad was a saint. With all those hormones going around it is a wonder we ever made it through. But we did. I digress......
During the time of Clara Sr. illness Clara Jr. had tried very hard to do well by her mom. But, I could tell there was also a history there which made things difficult at time.
First Clara Sr. started having "episodes" of light headiness and would end up in the hospital for test. Then there came a time where she was finally able to go from her daughters home into elderly housing. It was a great place, right in the same time and there were many activities for her participate with. Then she took a turn. Being in her 90's by then, it is almost a matter of time before one can expect a "turn".
For six months she was in the hospital, rehab, back in the hospital. Having difficulty controlling her medical treatment. I can honestly say I think she was just plain tired.
What I didn't quite notice is that so wasn't Clara Jr.
Last week as I finally got to spend a few moments with her, after her mom's death I noticed something. I noticed her smile. Clara has a great smile and for the past few months that had been strained. But now she almost looked refreshed and ready to live again.
It is like that with a aging and ill parent. Your own life seems to fade away to make way to get all the living, moments and discussions you can get in before it would be too late. A guilt from the past, a happiness from the present relationship and a reconciliation of souls is a powerful thing.
I mentioned that I hadn't seen that smile for a long time. Genuine and relaxed Clara could be assured of her mothers home, safe and sound with Jesus. No more pain, fighting or complicated treatments and relationships. Along the journey where Clara Jr. became the parent, she also became the daughter she always wanted to be.
Nothing left unsaid or undone. Just a peace that comes from the grace of forgiveness and reconciliation. In her smile Clara Jr. glowed, and it showed.
For those who hold resentment for parents and unresolved issues there is a hope that these can be worked out. When the roles reverse a new light comes into the eyes of both Mother and Daughter.
If we are lucky they are not fighting of what was, but grateful for the time they had left in which to share it.
So, tonight as you smile at the one you love, think.... is this a smile of love, free of guilt and resentment or a smile that reflects the grace that only God can give you; A gift, that will be remembered for a lifetime. A treasured memory that comes from knowing that in those final months, days and hours that God held both of your hands and He has mended your hearts. Making you both spiritually whole to prepare for the time when one would pass to home and the now sweet memories of new found friendship are to be treasured.
Smile a little smile and tell each other there is love that will carry them through all the times to come. The goodbyes, the heartache, the farewell and yes, the homecoming.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
